Austin J. Jenkins

Betty('s) Crackpot Holiday Cookies

I don’t really have a giant novel narrative to this piece, but really, You don’t have to be Confucius’  barely paid underling to know how much of a hateful person you have to be to go out of your way not to just eat someone else’s cookies behind their back (which, by itself is already a dick move by default), but by individually plucking out each and every single melted chocolate chip off of each cookie, and then have the absolute nerve, the GALL, to place the recent victims of a pick-pocketing crime back on their plate and where they were last seen. So, that unfortunate person who wanted those freshly baked goods noticed that someone squeezed their slimy greasy sausages that they call fingers down each and every single one of the oven-tanned treats. The worst part is you wouldn’t be able to tell who did it, especially since running water in homes exists. So, everyone has their fingers not only licked-cleaned but washed-cleaned as well. Oh well! Time to go back to the mixing bowl! Gotta go bake some cookies with the eggs that I had to drive thru five Shoprites just to find some that aren't priced as if they’re rare Pokemon cards, because EVERYONE can afford them! 

….This really did become another randomized vent about something that’s slightly relevant to the art, didn’t it.