Checkin' It Twice

I feel like part of the reason why Santa (or more realistically, his elves) are obliged to check both the multiple-mile long Naughty and Nice lists twice is because it’s becoming more easier to simply hack their operating systems. As technology quickly advances, it’s become so easy for anyone to just alter their names in their data files and cut-and-paste it to whatever list they want, that it’s most likely been written in manuals. In fact, it’s too easy for just one. So, Amazon sells multiple kinds of bootlegged books based around the one manual. They put it together as if they’re setting up a last-minute Google Slideshow on what their names mean in Spanish for Spanish class, slaps on quickly made, poorly thought-up AI images for their front covers and then charges $15 each. Although, let’s be real here. If you’re going out of your way to hack into the north pole’s internet providers (which is way harder than hacking into your local provider, which is already a challenge in itself), you probably have a VERY GOOD reason as to why you were placed on the naughty list in the first place.

 Polly The Muti-Colored Tail Peacock

The day I made this was the day I found out the randomly picked animal for the used-to-be Radio network, NBC, had an actual name, Polly. I’ll go more in depth whenever I get to talking more about the wacky world of corporation mascots, but I do find it funny that the boring inconsistency-drawn glamor bird who never really was given any kind of personality aside from how color televisions were the new item for your home (no really, that’s literally the ONLY reason why they picked a peacock for their mascot), has a name. Meanwhile, there are mascots with tons of pre-written characteristics that’ll only named after the product for which they’re promoting.

Also, I messed up the dialogue for Polly; “I got the Atlantic Ocean MIXED UP with the Indian Ocean again!”. Why am I only now noticing this?

Betty('s) Crackpot Holiday Cookies

I don’t really have a giant novel narrative to this piece, but really, You don’t have to be Confucius’  barely paid underling to know how much of a hateful person you have to be to go out of your way not to just eat someone else’s cookies behind their back (which, by itself is already a dick move by default), but by individually plucking out each and every single melted chocolate chip off of each cookie, and then have the absolute nerve, the GALL, to place the recent victims of a pick-pocketing crime back on their plate and where they were last seen. So, that unfortunate person who wanted those freshly baked goods noticed that someone squeezed their slimy greasy sausages that they call fingers down each and every single one of the oven-tanned treats. The worst part is you wouldn’t be able to tell who did it, especially since running water in homes exists. So, everyone has their fingers not only licked-cleaned but washed-cleaned as well. Oh well! Time to go back to the mixing bowl! Gotta go bake some cookies with the eggs that I had to drive thru five Shoprites just to find some that aren't priced as if they’re rare Pokemon cards, because EVERYONE can afford them! 

….This really did become another randomized vent about something that’s slightly relevant to the art, didn’t it.

Santa's Merry Little Elves

It’s the start of the holiday season, and O’l Saint Nick realized when he checked his yearly Coca-Cola calendar that he actually has to get off his fat lazy ass and get to work on all of the many toys for all the children. Not to mention, making sure all the reindeer are well fed and have all the energy needed to drag Santa’s Hungry Hungry Hippo ass along with the $3,000 sleigh all across the globe. Don’t forget about making sure all of his records are cleared so he can actually get his passport back so he can zip right through no-flight zones. Not because he wants to keep his “delivers all the presents in one night” persona, but rather, because even he knows troll booths suck (Although he has all the money in the world to easily apply for an E-ZPass, but he chooses not to). Also, you know he has to bring in his own giant pile of cookies, like if Cookie Monster was selected to be filmed in the newest episode of Hoarders, because literally nobody is gonna contribute to his never-ending levels of multiple types of Diabetes. But he ain’t just gonna go to Wal-Mart and buy some Chips Ahoy or Oreos for the road. No, he NEEDS completely fresh bakery quality cookies straight from the mixing bowl to the oven, like he’s a five-star food critic. Then again, he lives in the North Pole so he might honestly be the ONLY one there.

This giant ramble of mine about all the work that has to be done before Christmas is important because Santa doesn't do ANY OF THAT. He shoves ALL the work to the elves who get paid and are given as much respect akin to Starbucks baristas (AKA Jack shit!). And who would be there working during the holidays in brightly colored outfits and coated in loud bells than Tom and Betty, because why wouldn’t they be working there. Even on tough work hours, Betty wants Tom to help control her needs, and what better way to do so then below the nicely growing mistletoe. Tom likes to keep his strong love for Betty more private, but he still would do as much as he can to show how much he loves her back. Yet even he admits how kinda odd it is to feel romance under a plant that looks like it would make campers high out in the woods.

A Giant Turkey...Thing

Yep… It's a big-ass giant turkey that... clearly needs some good skincare products. Either that, or he really needs to see a doctor. I don't think he's been taking his advice when it comes to dealing with his speed addiction.

Yeah, I don't usually do much for thanksgiving as you can tell. It's honestly kinda hard to do really anything centered around the holiday when the main basis for it (outside of hunting turkeys, which doesn't really work considering Tom has it brightly highlighted in his contract stating that he doesn't do that for multiple reasons) is going back to the clearly not heavily changed and filled with so many plot holes if you pick up a history book "origins of Thanksgiving", where it's just making fun of Native Americans and how "OOOH, LOOK AT HOW WEIRD AND FUNNY LOOKING THEM INDIANS AT! LOOK AT HOW STUPID THEY COMPARED TO THE AMAZING HIGH AND MIGHTY PILGRIMS! IT'S THE FUNNY RACE, KIDS!" for pages on end. I hate it! I 100% hate it! It's not funny, it's terrible, and even if it wasn't offensive, it's literally just the exact same "joke" over and over and over again with zero amounts of care or wanting to change it up. Then again, that's how I feel about most race jokes so...

So, I usually just end up completing work related to Christmas because, at least there, I can ACTUALLY DO something there. Happy Thanksgiving!

Morty and Ferdie; The Big Clean-up (1975)

Synopsis: Morty and Ferdie have to get all of the leaves off the front yard, so Mickey can take them to the zoo.

The Big Clean-up (S 73249) | I.N.D.U.C.K.S.

“The Big Clean-up” is one of hundreds of stories that were originally written and/or drawn in America but had no omission to be released IN America. This was all part of the Walt Disney Studio Program. This was literally made because Europe and most likely Brazil complained to Western publishing (which, at this time, had their comic books under the Gold Key brand) that they straight up ran out of American stories, and since this was before they were actively making their own foreign stories, they pretty much demanded that they could get brand new stories. So, a good chunk of writers and artists were in charge of filling in the new demand, which I could only imagine must’ve been a total nightmare, especially knowing how Disney would pay their comic writers and artists (spoilers: it ain’t that high).

Because these were mainly made as a side project behind the main stories for Gold Key’s issues, alot of these are usually very short, they’re not as detailed or would have as many more unique poses as you would usually see, and alot of these step out of the usual Donald, Mickey and Scrooge stories, and instead, would now give the more smaller and side-characters the starlight (for better or worse, depending on the story).

This short story is about Mickey’s nephews; Morty and Ferdie. That’s about it. It’s a cute story, but you can tell by this point in time, they were forced to tone things down in order to make the comic books more “presentable” to kids (or more realistically, their very strict parents who’ll complain about literally anything). Also, with alot of these S-code stories, if not done by Tony Strobl, Jack Bradbury, Dick Kinney or Al Hubbard, you’re shit out of luck when it comes to knowing who knows what. Alot of funny animal American comics during this time never credited anyone, and with these being shuffled around to different countries, it makes it way extra harder.

Good job kids. Now, Mickey's gonna get his street rat ass beaten when you guys come back lol.

Donald Duck and The Ostrich Eggs (1953)

Synopsis: Donald and the nephews are stuck with hundreds of ostrich eggs and have to figure out a way to get rid of them.

Paperino e le uova di struzzo (I AO 53032-A) | I.N.D.U.C.K.S.

A good amount of the first stories done solely in Italy were published not for the Topolino digests, but for the “Albi d’oro” issues, which would later become “Almanacco Topolino”. These were pretty much just very small magazines that usually had a 25-30 pager story and a quick 1-2 pager, and that’s where this story comes in.

"Paperino e le uova di struzzo" is known for two things. It’s one of the earliest stories not only from the Albi d’oro line, coming out in the summer of 1953, but also from Italy as a whole as there wasn't that many original Disney stories done by this point. It’s also one of the most batshit insane stories ever written officially for the Disney comics. Nothing in this comic makes any sense at all, logically nor illogically, as alot of the things that happen just kinda… happen just because. Not because "the plot demands it" as you would think, but just because Guido Martina wanted to pen it up. Floor polish being made solely out of raw egg yolk and also actually working as floor polish, a giant hornet doctor whose name is a pun of "Holy Mackerel" as I gathered from the original Italian text, Scrooge gets solid gold coins inserted into him like a flu shot injection, said solid gold coins bounce around inside of him, and then ends up getting them removed using a magnet, Scrooge nearly dies from accidentally consuming bleach because the egg yolk barrels and the floor polish were stored together, a character who looks like Clara Cluck but isn't Clara Cluck and has a completely different name compared to Clara's actual Italian name (it's just Clara), the boys do something 100% dickish to Donald for zero reason and he doesn't beat their asses compared to when the boys annoy him by accident. It’s all here with the added bonus of the layouts and speech bubbles being squeezed inside the very small panels, making it very hard to make sure the translations are readable.

Special thanks again to the Guido Martina Facebook group for the original scans and with an additional rare illustration to it (I’m not exactly sure where it comes from). The source of the actual pages used here comes from the 16th issue of the 2nd version of I Grandi Classici Disney since it actually bothered to color in ALL the pages (alot of the early Italian books would only color in the pages every 2 pages). I will say they did a bad job at coloring in the pages considering this was a total nightmare to clean up, but I guess I should count my blessings I was able to find these early stories at all.

Bootleg Clara Cluck

So, while translating this story, I ended up finding out that people actually buy and cook Ostrich eggs. In this, I learned three things, this just taste like regular Hen eggs, they're way bigger than you think they are, and they are messier than a homemade slime kit. There's no way in hell those things aren't making your floors sticky.

I do love how one of the three pigs is just... there. You're telling me he DOES have the money for supplies, but he just up decides to use sticks for his house?! I can't tell if he's much of a lazy slob, that much of a dumbass or that much of both.

I'm gonna be real, I have no idea what Donald thought was gonna happen. Then again, this is pretty early on in their relationship, so I'll give him a slight pass.

Dr. Hornet Mackerel in Kingdom Hearts, Thank you.

Now, can someone come in front of the class and answer why did it have to be a rectal injection. That doctor ain't right in the head.

I do love how this is drawn if I'm gonna be honest. It's probably the best layout in this whole story and it's not even in the damn comic.

Pretty solid layout of Donald dashing down the basement stairs. Also, the idea of Donald in a straitjacket is funny to me lol.

See, Donald, this is EXACTLY why you can't always trust that mouse! He made his magic tricks look super easy to perform at home. 

When I first saw this before translating it, I honestly thought they were standing in a river of water... now it just looks like a rough Ren & Stimpy parody storyboard lol

Wait, Hold up! Did the truck driver just... leave his truck behind? don... don't you have like... other things to carry out or something?

I'm not even gonna question how those even came OUT of him. Also, Donald, you do know that all of that money you got from Scrooge is just gonna go straight to the truck driver who's still waiting for you to pay him. I have no idea why the boys thought this was a good plan in the first place. Also, you kids are damn lucky he can actually pay him back and he got rid of the eggs easily, cause otherwise, Donald 100% would've beaten your asses with a metal switch. Also again, Mr. hornet doctor thing; that is not tongs, that's a magnet.... you're an idiot...

Scrooge nearly killing himself because he consumed cleaning products IS a very non-Disney way to end this story and I'm 100% all here for it.