Donald Duck and The Tropical New Year (1955)

Synopsis: Donald and the boys are tasked by Scrooge to deliver crates of swimwear over to Buenos Aires as their “Christmas present”, but the Beagle Boys think they’re actually shipping gold instead.

Topolino e il capodanno tropicale (I AO 54053-A) | I.N.D.U.C.K.S.

Happy New Year, folks. I’d Figured you'd like to see one of the earliest foreign Disney comics that's… somewhat about the new year.
"Topolino e il capodanno tropicale" is another kooky, one-of-a-kind, CLEARLY would never be released in the west without heavy amounts of that Disney “Family-Friendly agenda” censorship, Guido Martina specialty. The story has the usual kind of “What the Hell” writing you typically would get from Martina, right down to the title! Yes, in the original printing of this story, they accidentally wrote in Mickey’s name, Topolino, as the titular character instead of Donald, Paperino, and NOBODY double checked before release. Somebody must’ve noticed because the title was correctly fixed… in 1979. When it was censored in its own country. A double edge sword kind-of wish, I suppose.
Being drawn by Italian cartoonist legend Luciano Bottaro, it highlights some of his own special artistic trademarks. A pretty good example during this time period is how the black steam above angry or annoyed characters is alot more thicker, looking more like a deflated speech balloon. The character acting in this isn’t the more crazy expressive but it also isn’t poorly stiff and awkward. It’s a nice middle between some very fine solid layouts with poses that’s just good to easily register how a character is feeling, so the dialogue actually connects with what’s happening below the text.

So, Donald is a complete dickhead in the beginning of this for literally no reason and it's worse because it could be removed and nothing would change. I do understand what they’re going for. The idea of Donald being so completely sick of the cold winter that he snaps and gets angry at the holiday, since he feels like he’s the only one suffering while everyone else is super happy. The problem is that it quite literally goes nowhere after Scrooge calls him over for his “gift”. When Donald and the kids arrive to see Scrooge, he never mentions his disdain for the winter or his frustrations with the holidays again. I guess Guido wanted a reason for you not to feel bad for the duck at the end, but I honestly just felt bad for the nephews. They wanted to have a nice Christmas and now they're stuck on the south pole for new year's. Then again, maybe Donald's an asshole because he inherited it from his dirtbag uncle, who literally tricks him and the kids into trading cargo over to one of his clients. That’s already a dick move, but what makes it worse is that he KNOWS full-on well that criminals are going to think they’re trading cash and not what’s actually in the crates. If Donald and the kids get killed because robbers think they’re trading actual goods, at least it wasn’t the funny rich duck, I guess. (I say this because, both in this story as well as other stories, The Beagle Boys are treated more like an actual threat then the goofy robbers most comics after the 60s usually portrayed them as).

Special thanks to the Guido Martina Facebook group for this clean scan (even if I had to do ALOT of cleanup).

What kind of global warming do they have in Duckburg where none of the seasons are acting like how they should be? I think there's a bigger problem here, just not what Donald thinks it is.

The all-American way of celebrating the holidays... least that's honestly how I wish it should be, especially with the prices these days.

So, Meccano is a real European toy brand that still actually exists. They're pretty much Mechanical toy sets that you can build toy robots and cars out of, so I understand the hype for one. My question is why did they randomly name drop a real brand in this? It's not something they do surprisingly.

How the fuck does Scrooge know these people and why does he keep sending kindergarteners over there to deal with it??

And Goodbye Scroogie because he NEVER shows back up again in this story. He pretty much puts targets behind his nephews' backs and gets zero punishment for it. Hey Marley, I think he needs another good scare or two tonight.

It's canon that Donald has served in the Navy at least a couple of times, especially during WW2. So, him feeling more natural out at sea is more understandable compared to the nephews being here. Guess Donald wants his nephews to be ex-sailors just like him. Not... the best idea considering how he canonly has tons of night-terrors.

I hope Scrooge actually gave stored fresh crackers and beans in the ship at the very least. I do love the detailed close-up of the tin can, which (unless it's a Sunday newspaper strip) wasn't that common for Disney comics this early.

It took these idiots a week to realize that they can fish while they're on a ship? Maybe they're used to going on cruise ships that ACTUALLY enforces their rules lol

Hey look, the robbers are very angry that they wasted their time thinking they were chasing goods that they wanted and are now taking it out on the unknowing crew. It's almost like this was a very stupid STUPID plan, right SCROOGE?!!?

I... feel like there was a page missing. You know, there should've been a scene where the storm is about to strike the ship, so the climax can fully unfold. I'm guessing they realized that they were running out of pages. Good thing the 3-4 pages of Donald having a fit at home was written in, because it CLEARLY was needed to the story.

"Who Remembered the Naphtha?" uh... You should've considering it was YOUR idea, you stupid idiot!

 It's What He Always Wanted

Merry Christmas and a many MANY happy holidays to you all beyond the eye-staining monitors of whatever device you’re reading this off of. I hope everyone is having a wonderful time during this time of year. Rather it be hanging out with your close friends and families, watching your favorite holiday specials that hopefully is in actual good quality and doesn't look like it was filmed off a rusty Betamax cassette player, or, especially if you’re little, having a ball playing with your brand-new presents you found under the Christmas tree. As long as it works, it’s not coated with lead paint and it didn’t earn your parents front row seats to bankruptcy, then it should give you lots of fun time to play with. Even Tom Jr. understands the sentiment. A Gameboy Advance SP WITH YouTube installed on it?! Well, considering how Gameboy Advance Video went, it most likely would be impossible to figure out what’s part of the background and what’s an actual person moving. But it’s the thought that counts.

 She Sure Be Comin' Down the Chimney Tonight!

In our last episode of “publicly announcing how specific people control their hormones”, we questioned how many of the elves, who typically are seen working in the overly decorated sweatshop under the dictatorship of Santa Claus, might have sex unseen from their boss. Now, we’re going to discuss how Jolly o’l Saint Nick might do the deed. But, because we actually LIKE our audience, we didn’t get the actual Santa to study and instead decided to have a couple roleplay the act for us. For some reason, the lovely lady, Betty, wanted to play the role of Santa, so I guess tonight we get to study just how Mrs. Claus would have sex (This is a very weird series of posts, and I swear to God, I hope this is the last one I do of these.).

 With Your Nose So Cheap and Shoddy

So, am I the only one who jokingly thinks that Rudolph’s red-tinted nose is actually a real General Electric Light bulb (more specifically, one of those mini red and green holiday light bulbs that people use as Christmas lights that wrap around their porch) that’s been glued to his nose when he was being conceived at birth?

You see, when Mrs. Donner was ready, it also so happened to be the day when General Electric was signing an agreement with NBC to run the little reindeer’s special under their newly created format, “The General Electric Fantasy Hour”. A shortly lived advertising technique where NBC would air Brand new Full-color specials that would be tattooed with General Electric commercials. There were three of these; first being “Return to Oz” from 1964, the last being “The Ballad of Smokey The Bear” from 1966, and the funny “I swear we didn’t mean to make it look like Rudolph completely forgot about the misfit toys even though he was on the dam island for like ⅕ of the special”  Tv Musical Spectacular from… also 1964. I guess that Smokey was so important for the formerly named “Videocraft” that they jumped over 1965.

Anyways, after the contract was signed, Lady Boreal (because I actively will go out of my way to talk about the other two Rudolph specials because I think they’re so completely bonkers, they’re good) decided to surgery remove Rudolph’s nose and perform a nose transplant using a random General Electric light bulb from a pack she found at Sears that afternoon. Why would she, of all people, ever do something like this? Because it’s completely batshit insane yet it’s still kinda believable in their world (which is how I describe a good amount of the Rankin/bass filmography).

 How Do Elves Make Love on Christmas?

Documentation on the mating specifics of Kiruolaenkringlueous sweatshoioporulus (or the Christmas Elf) has always been very spotty in the past few centuries. Some scientists claim It’s due to the lack of investigators willing to travel to the coldest pits of Hell (or in our more commonly used English slang, The North Pole). It’s already a nightmare even reaching up there, and most of the time, it’s usually in need to research the warm-blooded locals of the snow and ice. Another reason that coincides with the former point is the disinterest in the festively dressed creatures (i.e. Santa Claus, Elves, Donner bitch-ass who’s nothing but an ableist fuck, that Comet motherfucker that’s also a complete dickhead to people who have an uncontrollable disorder, etc. etc.). Most people don’t even think these morons are real, so what makes you think they’re gonna travel to the coldest place on planet Earth for something they already assure isn't real in the first place. Then again, dozens of sailors would travel out at sea thinking things like Mermaids exist, when we ALL know Sirens are what they’ve actually been seeing swimming below the surface of the ocean.

 But, perhaps the biggest reason why we haven’t gotten a concrete idea on how elves make love is because they’re one of the biggest champions of Hide-n-seek. Why else do you think The Elf on the shelf’s book sells millions on Facebook Marketplace? We have A idea on how their courting ritual might go, but it’s 100% guess-work and not solid fact until future evidence comes out. What many figure is that two elves (their sexuality is also a complete mystery so keep that also in mind) go behind Santa’s workshop during closing hours. They wait until Santa has stepped out for the awaiting Mrs. Claus. Then one of the elves sticks up a lovely fresh mistletoe above one of the walls (most of the Mistletoe plants are currently out of season, so they’re usually picked in October). Then… Well, if your parents ever told you the story about the lovely birds and the humble bees, you can easily figure out the rest. This isn’t Rule-34.

Holiday Plunder

What good would presents, most specifically, Christmas presents, do for pirates exactly. I’d imagine not much, considering most of the goods pirates plundered and raided for either keeping or trade was either newly found and hard to come by spices (which were the big money maker), certain kinds of gold if they were available and… no, that’s honestly it actually. Yeah, most pirates formed huge crews and ships, had their own special code of rules to follow and were always on everyone’s hit list… just so they can travel to another point on earth to grab a couple of items that make specific kinds of food better. They were already edible, it’s just that these spices helped make the food taste 10% better than normal. You think they have to plunder farms to obtain the food for said spices? I know they didn’t use ALL of them, considering that was the main money-maker, but you know they definitely wanted to try them out for themselves when they were bored. There’s only so many enemy ships and rough waters and there’s so much distance from point A to Point B that at some point, your bored mind would just decide “Screw it, let’s make a funny challenge out of how much cinnamon we can lick”.

Now, do these giant festively designed boxes look like they're spices? Not really at all, but Betty isn’t the sharpest buccaneer when it comes to plundering. She finds something unique and it’s ripe for the picking for her. Something her captain ain’t too keen on. Jane wouldn’t really punish Betty for that (I mean, she IS doing her job technically), but she’s more worried about what the REAL owner will do to the crew. Keep in mind, O’l Saint Nick defeated Martians and is close buddies with a being who will willingly drag your pitiful ass into an over-sewed trash bag and make sure you're seeing nothing but pure night terrors for God knows how long. Lord knows what he’ll do to those nut-heads.

 Baby, It's Gettin' HOT Outside!

You got to give credit where credit is due for Tom; He actually knows how anxious it is when people blast their radios with the speakers set on a highly pitched volume on a number so big, it’s not registered on an actual speedometer. On another unrelated side-vent, why the hell are regular should-be-customer-friendly cars have a speedometer limit of 140? Like, most highways have a good limit of like 60-70. I’ve never seen a single highway that allows you to drive at least 120 miles per hour. And why on god’s green earth are there ones with a 260 limit?! Who in the holy government name of God Daniel is driving their car at 260?! WHERE would or even COULD you drive at that level?!

But back on topic, Tom’s credit is not as high just like his actual credit as he decides to drag his music out into public. Not with a boombox (if anyone still owns one of those), but with a fully functioning gramophone (an HMS or His Master’s Voice product is his main preference). A mechanical brown bellbird, who can easily understand sheet music, but still doesn't have any form of installed volume control. A problem to most neighbors who have zero good taste in music, but a life-or-death situation to those who depend on the snow as if it’s their own medically insured nebulizer. It doesn't help when everyone who sees the walking record player refers to him as “The Hot-Feet Bird”. The rumors aren't ALL true. He doesn't ALWAYS hot jazz music. He’s mainly a huge two-stepper… which isn't assuring when you consider one-two or even some three-steps can be categorized by some as jazz music. Oops. 

 Checkin' It Twice

I feel like part of the reason why Santa (or more realistically, his elves) are obliged to check both the multiple-mile long Naughty and Nice lists twice is because it’s becoming more easier to simply hack their operating systems. As technology quickly advances, it’s become so easy for anyone to just alter their names in their data files and cut-and-paste it to whatever list they want, that it’s most likely been written in manuals. In fact, it’s too easy for just one. So, Amazon sells multiple kinds of bootlegged books based around the one manual. They put it together as if they’re setting up a last-minute Google Slideshow on what their names mean in Spanish for Spanish class, slaps on quickly made, poorly thought-up AI images for their front covers and then charges $15 each. Although, let’s be real here. If you’re going out of your way to hack into the north pole’s internet providers (which is way harder than hacking into your local provider, which is already a challenge in itself), you probably have a VERY GOOD reason as to why you were placed on the naughty list in the first place.

 Polly The Muti-Colored Tail Peacock

The day I made this was the day I found out the randomly picked animal for the used-to-be Radio network, NBC, had an actual name, Polly. I’ll go more in depth whenever I get to talking more about the wacky world of corporation mascots, but I do find it funny that the boring inconsistency-drawn glamor bird who never really was given any kind of personality aside from how color televisions were the new item for your home (no really, that’s literally the ONLY reason why they picked a peacock for their mascot), has a name. Meanwhile, there are mascots with tons of pre-written characteristics that’ll only named after the product for which they’re promoting.

Also, I messed up the dialogue for Polly; “I got the Atlantic Ocean MIXED UP with the Indian Ocean again!”. Why am I only now noticing this?

Betty('s) Crackpot Holiday Cookies

I don’t really have a giant novel narrative to this piece, but really, You don’t have to be Confucius’  barely paid underling to know how much of a hateful person you have to be to go out of your way not to just eat someone else’s cookies behind their back (which, by itself is already a dick move by default), but by individually plucking out each and every single melted chocolate chip off of each cookie, and then have the absolute nerve, the GALL, to place the recent victims of a pick-pocketing crime back on their plate and where they were last seen. So, that unfortunate person who wanted those freshly baked goods noticed that someone squeezed their slimy greasy sausages that they call fingers down each and every single one of the oven-tanned treats. The worst part is you wouldn’t be able to tell who did it, especially since running water in homes exists. So, everyone has their fingers not only licked-cleaned but washed-cleaned as well. Oh well! Time to go back to the mixing bowl! Gotta go bake some cookies with the eggs that I had to drive thru five Shoprites just to find some that aren't priced as if they’re rare Pokemon cards, because EVERYONE can afford them! 

….This really did become another randomized vent about something that’s slightly relevant to the art, didn’t it.

Santa's Merry Little Elves

It’s the start of the holiday season, and O’l Saint Nick realized when he checked his yearly Coca-Cola calendar that he actually has to get off his fat lazy ass and get to work on all of the many toys for all the children. Not to mention, making sure all the reindeer are well fed and have all the energy needed to drag Santa’s Hungry Hungry Hippo ass along with the $3,000 sleigh all across the globe. Don’t forget about making sure all of his records are cleared so he can actually get his passport back so he can zip right through no-flight zones. Not because he wants to keep his “delivers all the presents in one night” persona, but rather, because even he knows troll booths suck (Although he has all the money in the world to easily apply for an E-ZPass, but he chooses not to). Also, you know he has to bring in his own giant pile of cookies, like if Cookie Monster was selected to be filmed in the newest episode of Hoarders, because literally nobody is gonna contribute to his never-ending levels of multiple types of Diabetes. But he ain’t just gonna go to Wal-Mart and buy some Chips Ahoy or Oreos for the road. No, he NEEDS completely fresh bakery quality cookies straight from the mixing bowl to the oven, like he’s a five-star food critic. Then again, he lives in the North Pole so he might honestly be the ONLY one there.

This giant ramble of mine about all the work that has to be done before Christmas is important because Santa doesn't do ANY OF THAT. He shoves ALL the work to the elves who get paid and are given as much respect akin to Starbucks baristas (AKA Jack shit!). And who would be there working during the holidays in brightly colored outfits and coated in loud bells than Tom and Betty, because why wouldn’t they be working there. Even on tough work hours, Betty wants Tom to help control her needs, and what better way to do so then below the nicely growing mistletoe. Tom likes to keep his strong love for Betty more private, but he still would do as much as he can to show how much he loves her back. Yet even he admits how kinda odd it is to feel romance under a plant that looks like it would make campers high out in the woods.

A Giant Turkey...Thing

Yep… It's a big-ass giant turkey that... clearly needs some good skincare products. Either that, or he really needs to see a doctor. I don't think he's been taking his advice when it comes to dealing with his speed addiction.

Yeah, I don't usually do much for thanksgiving as you can tell. It's honestly kinda hard to do really anything centered around the holiday when the main basis for it (outside of hunting turkeys, which doesn't really work considering Tom has it brightly highlighted in his contract stating that he doesn't do that for multiple reasons) is going back to the clearly not heavily changed and filled with so many plot holes if you pick up a history book "origins of Thanksgiving", where it's just making fun of Native Americans and how "OOOH, LOOK AT HOW WEIRD AND FUNNY LOOKING THEM INDIANS AT! LOOK AT HOW STUPID THEY COMPARED TO THE AMAZING HIGH AND MIGHTY PILGRIMS! IT'S THE FUNNY RACE, KIDS!" for pages on end. I hate it! I 100% hate it! It's not funny, it's terrible, and even if it wasn't offensive, it's literally just the exact same "joke" over and over and over again with zero amounts of care or wanting to change it up. Then again, that's how I feel about most race jokes so...

So, I usually just end up completing work related to Christmas because, at least there, I can ACTUALLY DO something there. Happy Thanksgiving!

Morty and Ferdie; The Big Clean-up (1975)

Synopsis: Morty and Ferdie have to get all of the leaves off the front yard, so Mickey can take them to the zoo.

The Big Clean-up (S 73249) | I.N.D.U.C.K.S.

“The Big Clean-up” is one of hundreds of stories that were originally written and/or drawn in America but had no omission to be released IN America. This was all part of the Walt Disney Studio Program. This was literally made because Europe and most likely Brazil complained to Western publishing (which, at this time, had their comic books under the Gold Key brand) that they straight up ran out of American stories, and since this was before they were actively making their own foreign stories, they pretty much demanded that they could get brand new stories. So, a good chunk of writers and artists were in charge of filling in the new demand, which I could only imagine must’ve been a total nightmare, especially knowing how Disney would pay their comic writers and artists (spoilers: it ain’t that high).

Because these were mainly made as a side project behind the main stories for Gold Key’s issues, alot of these are usually very short, they’re not as detailed or would have as many more unique poses as you would usually see, and alot of these step out of the usual Donald, Mickey and Scrooge stories, and instead, would now give the more smaller and side-characters the starlight (for better or worse, depending on the story).

This short story is about Mickey’s nephews; Morty and Ferdie. That’s about it. It’s a cute story, but you can tell by this point in time, they were forced to tone things down in order to make the comic books more “presentable” to kids (or more realistically, their very strict parents who’ll complain about literally anything). Also, with alot of these S-code stories, if not done by Tony Strobl, Jack Bradbury, Dick Kinney or Al Hubbard, you’re shit out of luck when it comes to knowing who knows what. Alot of funny animal American comics during this time never credited anyone, and with these being shuffled around to different countries, it makes it way extra harder.

Good job kids. Now, Mickey's gonna get his street rat ass beaten when you guys come back lol.

Donald Duck and The Ostrich Eggs (1953)

Synopsis: Donald and the nephews are stuck with hundreds of ostrich eggs and have to figure out a way to get rid of them.

Paperino e le uova di struzzo (I AO 53032-A) | I.N.D.U.C.K.S.

A good amount of the first stories done solely in Italy were published not for the Topolino digests, but for the “Albi d’oro” issues, which would later become “Almanacco Topolino”. These were pretty much just very small magazines that usually had a 25-30 pager story and a quick 1-2 pager, and that’s where this story comes in.

"Paperino e le uova di struzzo" is known for two things. It’s one of the earliest stories not only from the Albi d’oro line, coming out in the summer of 1953, but also from Italy as a whole as there wasn't that many original Disney stories done by this point. It’s also one of the most batshit insane stories ever written officially for the Disney comics. Nothing in this comic makes any sense at all, logically nor illogically, as alot of the things that happen just kinda… happen just because. Not because "the plot demands it" as you would think, but just because Guido Martina wanted to pen it up. Floor polish being made solely out of raw egg yolk and also actually working as floor polish, a giant hornet doctor whose name is a pun of "Holy Mackerel" as I gathered from the original Italian text, Scrooge gets solid gold coins inserted into him like a flu shot injection, said solid gold coins bounce around inside of him, and then ends up getting them removed using a magnet, Scrooge nearly dies from accidentally consuming bleach because the egg yolk barrels and the floor polish were stored together, a character who looks like Clara Cluck but isn't Clara Cluck and has a completely different name compared to Clara's actual Italian name (it's just Clara), the boys do something 100% dickish to Donald for zero reason and he doesn't beat their asses compared to when the boys annoy him by accident. It’s all here with the added bonus of the layouts and speech bubbles being squeezed inside the very small panels, making it very hard to make sure the translations are readable.

Special thanks again to the Guido Martina Facebook group for the original scans and with an additional rare illustration to it (I’m not exactly sure where it comes from). The source of the actual pages used here comes from the 16th issue of the 2nd version of I Grandi Classici Disney since it actually bothered to color in ALL the pages (alot of the early Italian books would only color in the pages every 2 pages). I will say they did a bad job at coloring in the pages considering this was a total nightmare to clean up, but I guess I should count my blessings I was able to find these early stories at all.

Bootleg Clara Cluck

So, while translating this story, I ended up finding out that people actually buy and cook Ostrich eggs. In this, I learned three things, this just taste like regular Hen eggs, they're way bigger than you think they are, and they are messier than a homemade slime kit. There's no way in hell those things aren't making your floors sticky.

I do love how one of the three pigs is just... there. You're telling me he DOES have the money for supplies, but he just up decides to use sticks for his house?! I can't tell if he's much of a lazy slob, that much of a dumbass or that much of both.

I'm gonna be real, I have no idea what Donald thought was gonna happen. Then again, this is pretty early on in their relationship, so I'll give him a slight pass.

Dr. Hornet Mackerel in Kingdom Hearts, Thank you.

Now, can someone come in front of the class and answer why did it have to be a rectal injection. That doctor ain't right in the head.

I do love how this is drawn if I'm gonna be honest. It's probably the best layout in this whole story and it's not even in the damn comic.

Pretty solid layout of Donald dashing down the basement stairs. Also, the idea of Donald in a straitjacket is funny to me lol.

See, Donald, this is EXACTLY why you can't always trust that mouse! He made his magic tricks look super easy to perform at home. 

When I first saw this before translating it, I honestly thought they were standing in a river of water... now it just looks like a rough Ren & Stimpy parody storyboard lol

Wait, Hold up! Did the truck driver just... leave his truck behind? don... don't you have like... other things to carry out or something?

I'm not even gonna question how those even came OUT of him. Also, Donald, you do know that all of that money you got from Scrooge is just gonna go straight to the truck driver who's still waiting for you to pay him. I have no idea why the boys thought this was a good plan in the first place. Also, you kids are damn lucky he can actually pay him back and he got rid of the eggs easily, cause otherwise, Donald 100% would've beaten your asses with a metal switch. Also again, Mr. hornet doctor thing; that is not tongs, that's a magnet.... you're an idiot...

Scrooge nearly killing himself because he consumed cleaning products IS a very non-Disney way to end this story and I'm 100% all here for it.